I’m feeling melancholy these days. It’s not my normal personality but like anyone, I am not immune to it. The world’s not ending, but my summer is and other things are changing too.
1.) Fall was my favorite season for many years. I loved the weather, the decorations, the football games and back to school. I LOVED going to school. Not for the virtuous reason of loving to learn, but because that’s where my people were. But for the last several years summer has become my favorite time of year. It is the only time that my heart and mind are fully at rest. Being a homeschool parent to high school kids has changed the fall from being a time of excitement and anticipation to a time of fear and stress. (I am not speaking for other homeschoolers here, the majority that I know are nailing it with all kinds of peace of mind and success.) I am aware of my boys’ work load at all times and feel a level of pressure for them to succeed that is probably more than I should feel. But the summer time? The summer is the beach, being invited to the pool with friends, time to do lots of experimental cooking, wearing lighter, shorter clothes, cookouts, long days and NOT having to worry about if someone got their paper done or how well it is done.
2.) My kitty Gandalf is gone. Last Saturday, one week after we celebrated his first birthday, he just disappeared. He has always been indoor/outdoor and I let him out when he pleases. He always sticks around, he’s neutered, and happily comes back in to eat. I let him out last week at about 4 in the afternoon, (a little earlier than his routine time of around supper time), and I never saw him again. I am heartbroken about this. I miss him terribly. He could be out catting around, he could have been picked up by someone, he could be trapped, hurt or worse. I have no idea. I just miss having him around. All my neighbors are on the look-out, I’ve posted signs, checked with vets and with the animal shelter. I’ve prayed. I don’t know what else to do but just wait and hope that he shows back up. And if he does, he will have sown his wild oats for the first and last time as he will be inside forever.
3.) I’ve got to get a job. It’s just that time. College is coming up for my guys and our college fund is the “Darlene Goes Back to Work” fund. I’ve done several short-term jobs here and there to make a little extra cash, mainly for me to play with, and I have a couple of child care jobs that have been very helpful with school expenses, but the financial needs are expanding. We have more drivers in the house than we have cars and this has put us in scheduling straights. We are going through tons of gas. I really don’t hate the idea of working but the thought of being gone full time when I still have one kid in his senior year whom I am pretty involved with school-wise makes me a little sad. We are in the homestretch with the kids’ education and I want to finish strong. I NEED to be able to balance that with working and that is intimidating to me. But I am encouraged. I have seen many homeschool moms do it.
So, this song, September Morn, is one I think about every year when this month rolls around. The music captures my mood perfectly, even though lyrically it doesn’t fit. It’s also nostalgic because it reminds me of my younger years when it was playing at the skating rink on a Saturday night and I was hoping to couple skate with Martin or Daniel. (hee hee)
To everything there is a season…Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
With all the enthusiasm welcoming the fall, anyone else sorry to see summer go?
September Mourn vol.1.